


Donald Trump's Blight

by tommythedankengine



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Covfefe, Crack, I'm sorry?, M/M, OOC, Run On Sentences, old meme but i wrote this at 1 am, unedited but there shouldn't errors that take away from the meaning, what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 14:31:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11359404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommythedankengine/pseuds/tommythedankengine
Summary: Donald Trump is struck with a terrible curse. The worst part? He has to make Ted Cruz - a man he hasn't seen in months 0 happy again to get rid of it. How was he going to do it? Read and find out!





	Donald Trump's Blight

**Author's Note:**

> i'm... not sorry, but not proud of this. i was struck by the ever illusive Muse late last night and cranked this out in under 30 minutes. so, not the best quality. i hope you get a chuckle, in the least.

Donald Trump has a terrible secret. 

 

Yes, one that is worse than his embarrassing collection of My Little Pony dolls. One that is worse than his custom-made socks and gloves (because his hands and feet are too small for anything other than little girl clothing). Yes, and even worse than the fact that he still whimpers every time he sees a pigeon (it may have been one time, but that bird traumatized him; who gave it to the right to peck him essentially for an entire day! He did nothing other than spit at it a bit… and threaten to roast its body over an open flame… and toss it into the garbage disposal… but that’s all, he swears!) 

 

But, I digress.

 

Yes, Donald Trump has a terrible secret, and it’s all Ted Cruz’s fault. The entire damn thing. What’s the secret, you may be asking, and it happens to be rather simple.

 

Donald J. Trump has been cursed. He has been cursed by a real life, scary as all hell, witch, and it’s all Ted Cruz’s fault and it’s not fair. Not one bit. 

 

Now, why is it Ted Cruz’s fault? 

 

Because Donald Trump is in love with him. Everyday he watches from afar (don’t ask how, it’s some special privilege that he has as president.  _ No _ , maybe it’s not exactly legal, but who’s going to tell him otherwise? His wife?), wishing that maybe,  _ maybe _ , Ted would take him back.

 

But, no. 

 

It’s been months since they’ve last seen each other, since they’ve last… experienced each other. 

 

And it’s been a bloody hard few months, if Trump has to say anything about it. 

 

He supposes that it’s about him winning the nomination and having to say those awful things about Teddy dear on television. That would make him feel rather put-out, if Ted did that to him. But, it was just politics, which Ted should know. No hard feelings should have been wrought, but, yet, they were.

 

Ted Cruz hated him.

 

Donald Trump’s issue? The only way to break the curse was to make Ted happy. How in the world was he supposed to do that when Ted hated the very ground he treaded on. Now, he didn’t do too well with being hated (who could possibly hate him? He’s the great and (not so) benevolent Donald Trump!

 

It’s not as if he hasn’t  _ tried _ to talk to Ted. He has. Multiple times. Including using this really weird phone at a motel at the Corn Palace Inn. He’s lucky that he made it out of there alive with his balls, let alone  _ actually _ connect to Ted’s phone. (He shudders in his seat thinking about that.)

 

Back to his blight.

 

Yes, to stop this terrible curse from spreading, he just has to make Ted happy. Check. (Putting checks down next to things that he hasn’t done makes him feel more productive - a trick he learned from Teddy. Oh, how he misses his Teddy.) 

 

Oh, you must be asking at this point, what does this terrible, horrible curse do, if it’s making poor dear old Donny so strung up?

 

Let me tell you, it’s horrible.

It… It… It  _ forces Donald to actually be nice to people. _

 

GASP! WHAT A HORRIBLE THING?

 

Yes, he must stop it, and stop it quickly. Just earlier today he  _ almost _ tweeted that Hillary Clinton  _ wasn’t _ a lying bimbo that deserved to be in jail for all the crimes she committed. What a horrible idea! He wasn’t a filthy Clinton lover! (That was the intern’s job.) 

 

Now that that was brought into the light, Donald just  _ has _ to figure out a way to get his Teddy bear happy again. Really, it shouldn’t be  _ too _ difficult, right? 

 

Wrong.

 

Donald Trump’s first issue came when he realized that Ted was out on vacation with his wife and daughters. Not good. The curse was spreading quickly. Trump  _ didn’t _ yell at his new intern when she spilled just the tiniest amount of coffee on the tray she was holding. Preposterous! How will she ever learn if she isn’t scrutinized for each and every mistake? When this horrible thing is over, he decided, he will yell at them tenfold!

 

He thought and thought for hours, until suddenly he came up with the most brilliant solution! The television! He can do something that will be broadcasted and will make his Teddy bear laugh with childish abandon! 

 

It won’t be difficult to be caught on TV doing something silly, he realized.

 

Or, wait, better yet, he could Tweet it! That will get out to more people - and he was sure that his beloved Teddy bear will get the message loud and clear: DONALD TRUMP LOVES HIM.

 

Now: what to Tweet, what to Tweet.

 

I’m sure you’re expecting Donald Trump to come up with the most hilarious joke, Tweet it out, and have his adoring fans respond with ‘LOL’s and ‘LMAO’s and ‘ROFL’s, or however the kids are virtualizing their laughter these days, but his Holiness did nothing more than have a stroke on his keyboard. 

 

‘Despite the…’ he typed, ‘constant negative press covfefe....’ and that is when he began to seize up, not catching his mistake, and sending out the Tweet to the world. 

 

It’s rather unfortunate that he instructed no one to bother him while he dreamed up a masterfully funny joke to Tweet, as if they had, he may have lived.

 

But, with his dying breath, he felt the meanness return, and he knew, for the last time, that he had made his Teddy bear chortle with glee, and that was all he ever asked for. 

 


End file.
